Running with scissors
by cocobuta04
Summary: Craig finds the girls in Tijuana overrated...[[Please read and review]]
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I got the idea for this story while listening to the song "In the meantime", and I hope you like it.

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Have you ever met the guys who are the underdogs? The ones who never get anything completely right? Well, folks, I am dropped in that category. My whole entire life is a sob story, and could drive you to perhaps a tear. This curse has also extended to my love life. I've gotten the girl, lost the girl, cheated on the girl, impregnated the girl, manipulated the girl- and after that all this shit, I've always almost been able to get the girl back. On my future tombstone should be written, "Oh baby, I need you, and not to mention I am the biggest piece of shit in the universe…" Because, truthfully, I need this line more than I need anything else.

The first girl, Emma Nelson, I never actually had. She was just a foolish grade seven who had a crush on the new kid, only to find out that he had his eye on someone else- Her best friend, Manuela Santos. Oh, Manny. This girl has no number, and like hemorrhoids, she's the itch that'll never go away. As it turns out, she's still in my life, ultimately screwing up my karma. Funny how things work out…

The next one up is Ashley Kerwin, the screwed up apple of my eye. While being exiled by every skank in Degrassi, she turned to me- the kid who had the abusive father, and manic fits. Despite all of this, our relationship was ok- with her cranking out the depressing, terrible poetry, and me, trying to get into her pants. It was alright up to the point when I cheated on her with none other than Manny Santos. She wanted nothing to do with me after that, and became even more bitter. I, on the other hand, was still screwing up- even getting Manny pregnant. Shocker. We decided to give it another try, and she stayed. Until I got diagnosed with being a bipolar freak, and then she decided that in hindsight that it was better to bail off to cheery England. And I don't blame her.

But the one that I really want to talk about is a girl by the name of Eleanor Nash. Once my Eleanor Nash. To tell you the truth, I'm surprised that with all of her "fuck you, I'm a super bitch" bravado that she would have any interest in me. But she did. It was like a game of hide and seek with us. I would do something utterly stupid to her, and she, would well take it. She was different, and didn't mind hearing me babble about mindless crap. In a way, she understood. So it didn't really help much when I ended abusing a myriad of drugs, and she having to be the first one to know. And being there when I went off to rehab. But I wasn't going to let her get away, because I've never been able to lose the girl. Not completely. So I wrote her letters, most of them probably not making any sense, but all with the underlying theme that I needed her back. And this being a surprise, she actually responded. And came back. I was committed; I told her I was, whispering it into her ears frequently. Not forgetting to say the "I love you's." And this all led to the opened pregnancy test in the trash, the crying. But I was committed, in this for the long haul. And it turns out that I was; enduring the six months after that of over exaggerated bitchiness, the stealing of my tee shirts, and watching her eat the craziest shit like fudge poptarts with mustard and green jello. Then it happened. She stopped growing bigger, and me, Craig Manning had my dick thrown in the dirt by the crying lump of flesh in front of me.

"Can I hold it?"

"What do you think?"

She felt too light, too fragile. Her name was Annalexia, weight in at 4 pounds, six ounces. I didn't like her name; in fact I thought it was the stupidest name I ever heard. But Ellie like. And far be it from me to argue with a woman who had just popped something out that was once living in her uterus. So it stuck. And I promised to be there for her, to be there for Anna. I gave up trying to be a musician again, and stayed by Annalexia, all the way up until she was seven. And then me and Ellie got into a fight about curtains, but when really, we were both fed up with each other- and wanted any excuse to yell incessantly at the top of our lungs. She threw my crap into a suitcase, and put them next to the door. She said that she was going to talk to Anna, that she would take care of it- and that she just wanted me to go. I crept out late that night, and left Anna a note on her nightstand. I wonder if she got it. I didn't know where else to go but Manny's. It was inevitable that I would. And she took me in, away from my daughter, and the woman who I claimed to love.

Hey, I'm no angel.

I stood outside the house with red door, and waited for the perfect opportunity to knock. This was now. I heard someone coming to the doorway, and waited.

"Hell-. Oh, it's you." I watched Annalexia stand in the doorway, obviously inheriting her all of Ellie's bitchy traits, with her arms crossed over her chest. Her hair was as deep of a red as Ellie's, and curly. I looked at her eleven year old frame, and wanted to cry. I was thankful that she didn't look at all like me.

"Hey, kiddo."

She rolled her eyes, and opened the door more to let me in. The house looked different because of the new paint on the walls. There were little pictures of Ellie and Annalexia, which wasn't a big surprise, except the one of the two of them on the coffee table. Anna led me into the living room.

"What do you want, Dad?"

"So now it's a crime for a guy to want to see his daughter?"

"Whatever." She rolled her eyes again. I wondered what was with teenagers and doing that. I sat down on the couch.

"Where's your mom?"

"She's at work. Where normal adults usually are at this time." Ouch. She also inherited her mother's sarcasm.

"I work."

"So how's..Manny?" I could tell that she truly didn't want to know about Manny. They had met two years ago at a picnic at Em's house, and ever since she met the woman who stole her daddy's heart she's always had some type of animosity. But Annalexia has manners.

"She's fine."

"Well…that's good. Tell her that I said hi, or something."

"I will." Crickets were chirping outside. My stomach grumbled slightly. "You hungry?"

"Does that mean that you want something to eat?"

"Yeah, sure."

5 minutes after Anna threw everything into the microwave, she sat on the opposite side of the table watching me eat my gai moo pan; while I was trying to maneuver the art of chopsticks.

"Gai moo pan, gai moo pan, gai moo pan, gai moo pan…the more times you say it, the funnier it sounds."

"What the hell do you want dad?"

"Hey, watch your mouth kid."

"Look who's talking." She took a drink of her soda. "Anyways hell isn't that bad of a word. Everybody says it."

"And who's everybody?" Sometimes I cringe at how much of a parent I sound like. These were one of those times.

"You. But seriously dad, why are you here?"

"I thought I already told you."

"No, you didn't."

" I liked it better when you couldn't talk."

After that, it was an awkward silence between us both, and I continued to eat my gai moo pan. When I was finished, I looked at Annalexia. She looked so much like Ellie. And the only thing that looked like mine's was her eyes. They were the same exact shape.

"So, how are you doing in school?"

"Dad, stop it. Ok?"

"Ok." She looked at me.

"I'm one of the top students in my class. Right behind Myrtle."

"Who the hell has the name Myrtle…"

"She does." She said, cracking a little grin. I didn't make anything of it. And digged into the white rice.

"Well, I'm proud of you anyways, kid. How would you feel if me…, me and your mom got back together?" I waited for her face. She looked at me as if I were the highest guy on the universe, and started to drink her soda.

"Dad?"

"What?"

"Are you on drugs?"

"No. Just think about it. We could all go down to New York like you've wanting to do…" 

"I've already been to New York. Aunty Emma took me down there this year over Christmas break. And anyways, there's no way. Mom hates you."

"Oh, ok then, well haven't you ever thought that it was you that she hated?"

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I stood out on Ellie's porch, pacing in circles. I couldn't believe what had come out of my mouth, and it all came out like crap. I had to keep on pacing, even if it was 45 degrees out, I couldn't stop. Annalexia didn't believe an ounce of what I was saying, and neither did I, so I played it off.

Getting back with Ellie? Only in my nicest dreams.

I walked back to my "home", which was Manny's apartment. She lived in the congested downtown apartments, trying to keep up with all the chic 21 year olds. It was filled with everything from a IKEA catalog, I always felt like I was coming into a metal death trap. When I opened the door, the shiny, new stainless steel blinded me. The whole place was filled with Manny's pictures, showing how vain she was. My eyes went over the red Les Paul in the corner. I hadn't picked it up in years, and was dusty as hell. Manny flaunted it when hosting parties, and used it as a way to say that her boyfriend was a serious musician. And sometimes I would retreat out of my room, and away from watching another mindless MTV reality show, to play a few chords. I picked it up, and held it in my hands. I strummed it, it being severely out of tune, but decided to play it anyways. I strummed it lightly, playing some chords, all of it being introduced to my ears again. It felt like home, like something familiar. The playing became louder, and I became immersed in it. So much that I didn't hear Manny coming through the door.

"Oh, your finally deciding to play that thing. I was about to give it to the salvation army…" She stood there for a minute. Waiting for me to acknowledge her presence. But when I didn't, she huffed and puffed, and sat down on the couch.

"Craig, we have to talk."

"Ok, yeah, sure. A little later, babe." I could tear my hands away from the thing.

"No, I can't wait anymore, Craig. We're both up to our asses in bills Craig, and I'm the only person holding a steady job in this relationship."

"I work, Manny."

"Yeah, I know you do baby, but not enough."

"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I stopped playing for a minute.

"Don't raise your voice at me. Ok? All I'm saying is that Craig, you're not 21 anymore, and you can't just work at odd jobs for the rest of your life…"

"I call bullshit on that one."

"Whatever, Craig. All I know is that this apartment can't pay for itself."

"So, you're saying that I can't provide!" I stood up. She had done it. But when I wanted to say something, all I could picture was Ellie's face. Ellie sitting on the couch, yelling back at me. And then I was at a lost for words.

"You know what Craig, I think it's time for us to go our separate ways."

I didn't bother saying anything else, and went into the bedroom to get my things. Manny watched me from the doorway, with my arm crossed. I threw random shit into a duffle bag, and grabbed my guitar case from inside the closet. I could have ripped up all of her pictures, and ruined a lot of shit. But I was happy, genuiwinely happy that I was breaking up with Manny. It was way past time. I went back into the living room, and put the les paul into it's respected case. I put on my leather jacket. This was all I need right now. Manny gave me a "sad" look, because to be truthful, she used up all her tears on me a long time ago. I waved bon voyage, and left. When I got outside the apartment, the cold air slapped my face. I looked up at the murky sky. It was a dark purple. I looked over at Manny window, to see if she had changed her mind. But instead, a whole white cloud of papers came swirling out of the window. I bent down and picked one up. They were my old song lyrics, and now getting wet on the pavement. So much for being a grown up. I leaned up against the wall.

I guess this time I had finally lost the girl.

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	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Yess reviews…

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I couldn't just stand around and loiter in the street. I needed a place to go, and I knew exactly where this place was. I finished picking up all the song lyrics off the sidewalk from my former lovers quarrel, and started walking to Jimmy's. He lived in the nice studio lofts in the abandoned part of the city, and was used to me popping by unexpectedly. In the middle of the night.

"Hey, man."

He rolled his eyes, and let me in. I sat down on his couch, and he rolled over to me.

"What did you do this time?"

"Me and Manny broke up."

"Do you want some coffee?" He said, even though he was already at the counter. I knew he was skeptic.

"We broke up for good."

"For good?"

"For fucking good."

"No bullshit?" I could hear the coffee maker whizzing.

"No bullshit. And it's great." He rolled his wheel chair towards me with two mugs in his hands. He handed me one.

"Do you mind if it's black?"

"No, it's fine." We sipped on in silence, and I continued to burn my hand on the hot mug.

"Well, it was inevitable that you guys broke up. Took you two damn long enough…"

"Yeah, and you know what? I don't think either of us had any real remorse. It was like we were waiting for it to happen…" I sipped some more. "And I was getting sick of Manny anyways." After saying it, this was the first time I actually meant it. Who knew that the wicked bitch of Canada would finally disappear?

"hmm, she finally got tired of your sorry ass."

"And I'm glad, Mr. Brooks. Fucking elated. A big ass burden has been lifted off my shoulders."

We finished our coffees in silence. I got up to get an apple out of the refrigerator, and went back to my spot.

"Craig, how long do you plan on staying man?"

"Uh, I don't know. Haven't really thought about it."

Jimmy cleared his throat. "Uh, look, Craig you know you're my boy, but you can't stay here long. It's not like we're both 25 again and you can crash for six months…I do my paintings here, and I have a girl." I sighed, annoyed again by the fact that people loved to concentrate on my aging and continued to eat my apple. I was almost to the seeds.

"But since I'm not a total douchebag, I'll let you crash for tonight."

"Thanks Jim." I finished my apple, and stuffed the seeds in my jean pocket. If you were lucky enough, they would actually grow. Jimmy went back to the refrigerator.

"So, whose this chick?"

"She's not just a "chick". And you probably know her…" My throat clenched. If It were Ellie, no shit... It couldn't be Ellie. He didn't deserve her, nor did he know that in grade eight she secretly listened to Avril Levine, or liked that purple, gay teletubbie.

"Know her? Uh, is she Ellie?"

"Ellie? No. I haven't talked to El in two years." He came back over two beers. The drink of the man. It was a refreshing change from all those shitty, fluffy, fruity wine coolers that Manny would force feed me.

"Oh. So is it Ash?"

"No."

"Then who the hell is it?"

"It's haze." He inaudibly. I couldn't even hear what he said.

"What the hell?"

"Hazel. Ok, Hazel."

"Aww, man. Hazel?"

"Dude, look she's fine."

"And last time I knew she was married."

He drank some of his beer. I was already finished with mine.

"Look, take it from the cheating jerk off, it doesn't pay off."

"So I don't have your seal of approval?"

"Hell fucking no." I got up to get another beer from the refrigerator.

"She's not happy with him."

"So what, she's still got a ring on her finger."

"But she's not happy."

"Whatever you say, wise one."

"But she's not."

And we both ended up drinking our beers in silence; it continued to be this way until I fell asleep on the couch. Early that morning, I decided to round up my crap and head out. I didn't want to say goodbye, so I took the last Heineken from Jimmy's six pack instead. I would buy him another one eventually. I stopped at a painting of his. It was relatively simple- an ocean scape. But I liked it. I liked it a lot. And I thought that Ellie would like it. And possibly would hang it on her wall with the sea green paint. And maybe she would think of me while she did it.

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After leaving Jimmy's, I walked into a small café that was near his apartment, and played my guitar- much to the snooty waiter's dismay. And was frowned down at when all I ordered was a measly scone and earl grey tea. After I was done, I made my way towards the suburbs. Emma lived in one of the quaint, little surrounding suburbs outside the city where all the mama's and papa's came to after they had their first little Bobby and brought a mini van. I decided to make a surprise visit. I stood outside the cute little green house with the white shudders, and waited for my cue. Checking the garage for the millionth time to double check that Em's blue civic was in the drive way, I rang the doorbell.

"Uncle Craig!" I heard the clumsy footsteps of Emma's son, Timmy.

"Hey! Look at you kid!" I picked him up, and thankfully he was still at the age where he was light to carry. "Geez, Timmy, you have to stop growing…"

"His name is Christopher." I looked up to see Emma, standing in paint splattered jeans and a rainbow tye dyed bandana.

"I knew that." Emma rolled her eyes. I let Chris down, and then he started to tug at the leg of my jeans.

"Hey, mommy, do you think I'll be as big as Uncle Craig?"

"Sure honey." He laughed in joy out of this, and continued to tug at my jeans.

"But, I'm sure that Uncle Craig wants a rest, and he and I have to talk. Anyways, we have to get back to painting your room, Ok?"

"Aww, but I thought you said…we were going take 5?"

"And we did."

"No." He said slowly like a three year old would, but went back to his room anyways. I and Emma stood in the awkward silence. She put her hands on her hips.

"Em let me start off by saying…"

"Why did you tell Anna that you and Ellie would get back together?" Oh shit, she was pissed. I wondered how she knew.

"Um, how did you know?"

"Anna called me right after you left yesterday. Jesus, Craig, you can't just get her hopes up like that…"

"I know, it was a shitty move, but I didn't even mean it. I mean, it just all came out…that's all."

"Look, I know you care about Ellie, and that's great- but you haven't really been there. Christmases, summer vacations don't really count Craig, they just don't. I have been there for Ellie ever since you took off and went with Manny. And I've been there, trying to help Ellie out. I love El and Annalexia, so don't hurt them. Ok? Don't." She was stern, even military like. Yes, I am a crappy father, but I am a hell of a lot better than most of the lot. I do try, or at least I thought I did. And just because they didn't appreciate this, I wasn't going to bend over backwards.

Because that's not what I do.

The painting that I copped from Jimmy appeared in the corner of my eye. It lost its value, and I knew that it was pointless to even bring it near Ellie's doorstep. I picked it up, and handed it towards Emma.

"Here, take this."

"What am I going do with this?"

I made my way towards the door, which wasn't a long walk.

"I'll be back before dinner."

"And who says, that I'm giving you dinner?" I glanced at her. She softened up, I could tell.

"We're having chicken, and be back before six." I looked back one more time.

"Thanks mom."

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	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I don't have much to say about this chapter, except that constructive critism in the form of reviews is veryy welcomed, and keep reading kids. And for the people who are reviewing, you are awesome.

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I left Em's house, feeling something that I couldn't describe. I saw a red bike on the front yard, and assumed that it was Em's, considering that it was too big to be Chris's. I hopped on, the whole saying of "it's as easy as riding a bike" being a big ass lie. I could feel tension in my crotch area, but ignored it, and started to pedal. The wind went through some of my hair, and for the first time in the past two days, I felt content. I got a few wary stares from the prim and proper in their Volvos. I realized that Ellie and Emma weren't exactly next door neighbors and had to pedal harder. The sun was almost about to set when I got on to Ellie's street. I jumped off the thing, and threw it on Ellie's front yard. She and Annalexia walked out the door.

"Hello, Craig." She was confused, I could tell.

"Hey, El."

"Ah, you still call me that."

I didn't have a chance to say anything back, because Ellie started to fast walk up the street. Anna followed. I ran to catch up.

"What's going on?"

"Mom…" Ellie wouldn't stop.

"Could someone tell me what's going on?"

"Ugh, myrtle mason didn't invite me to her sleepover, and mom's going to get all superhero on her mom."

Mason? This couldn't be correct.

"Is this the same freak of nature myrtle that you were telling me about yesterday?"

"Yeah, dad." Anna groaned. Ellie kept on pacing.

"She has no right…"

Ellie turned on to a pathway leading a trimmed light yellow house with obnoxious blue shutters. This could only inhabit Spinner Mason and whoever the hell his wife was. Ellie pounded on the door. A chubby, pink cheeked girl opened the door. She was stubby, had straw blond hair tied into two little pigtails like some polish yodeler. She was wearing a way too short, blue tee shirt that had whales on it and this showed her fat. This had to Myrtle. And she was ugly.

"Hey Anna."

"Hey, Myrtle."

"Myrtle, is your mom home?" She could be as sweet as venom.

"Sure. MOM!" The little piglet could deafen an ear. Not to mention that she was really ugly. And not the kind of ugly that can be fixed over time, she was just ugly. No wonder why she was smart.

"Myrtle! What do want?!" Said a voice from far away. And out came the last person I expected to see, Darcy whatever-the-hell-her-last-name-was. I wondered how their child came out to be so damn ugly.

"Oh, hello, Eleanor. I wasn't expecting to see you."

By the way, did I forget to mention Darcy? Well, here she was in all of her glory, in a pink cable knit sweater, and beige kakis. She looked like hell, holding a crystallized glass, full of what had to be vodka- because even thirty miles away you could smell that shit. She had a look on her face that said, "Who are these sober beings at my doorstep?" Her hair was in a messy bun, and her face looked caked. Now all she needed was a cigarette and a drooling southern accent and voila, there's your drunken housewife.

"Annalexia just told me that Myrtle purposely didn't invite her to her sleepover?"

"Yes, that's correct. I told Myrtle not to invite Anna here." Jesus, she smelled like alcohol.

"Well, I don't know where you got off, but Anna is just as good as Myrtle."

"Yes, I know that Anna is a darling, but…"

"But what?" I had to say something. Ellie looked at me.

"Yes, what?"

"Anna is a very smart girl."

"Damn straight."

"Dad…"

"She is a very smart girl, but that doesn't mean that she couldn't be a bad influence on my little Myrtle…"

Oh no she didn't.

"Excuse me? Anna doesn't do anything wrong, and hell, the worst she could do is to miss a special on the discovery channel for chrissakes. So you, are way, way off base." Darcy took a swig.

"Eleanor, no need to yell."

"I am not yelling!"

"look, many of us parents on the street think that you have questionable parenting tactics, especially after you-know-who left…" She deadpanned on me.

"Oh, is that because I'm a single mother who's trying to do the best she can, and actually lets her daughter be an individual? Oh yeah, I'm a shitty parent. Maybe you should pre order the cuffs, get me next to the mother who hired an assassin to kill her daughter's rival cheerleader, eh?"

"I'm just saying…"

I had to step in. I couldn't just let Darcy, who's body liquid was 80 percent vodka, just trash Ellie. I couldn't.

"And in which parent magazine does it say that drinking the whole bottle of Vodka, and turning into a alcoholic lush, make you a better parent?"

The door slammed in our faces, and we were left standing on the porch. Anna huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Geez! Why did you have do that! I was fine that I wasn't invited! Myrtle was my only friend, and now, she'll never want to speak to me! God!" She started to walk away down the street.

"You'll make new friends! Prettier ones!" But she was already away. I looked at El.

"Are you sure that it's Ok that's she's walking by herself?"

"We only live five houses down, Craig."

"Oh, I knew that." I looked at El for a moment. It was hard to believe that she was bestowed the title of Mom. It was too early. She wanted to travel to Peru.

"Well, I should probably go and get my bike…"

"Bike? You rode all the way down here on a…bike?"

"Yeah, from Em's house."

"You're staying at Em's?" I nodded.

"We're going car shopping."

"Huh?"

"We're going car shopping tomorrow. I don't think that Anna would want to come with us, but it could just be you and me."

"But El, I'm broke."

"That's Ok, we can window shop."

"Window shop for cars? What's the purpose of that?"

"There is no purpose. We can just stare for hours on end at shiny, colored plastic." I smirked.

"You haven't changed a bit, Nash."

"Neither have you, Manning." She smiled, walking off to catch up with Anna.

But I was glad that she didn't change. It meant that I didn't have to work much.

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A/N: I know this was the quickest update ever, but I was bored, so I decided to keep on writing. This chapter was for filler, to get some interaction between Ellie and Craig, and some tween angst from Anna. And thanks for the reviews. Keep reading. :


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I hope you like this chapter, and I'm sorry for the boringness of the last chapter…

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When I got back to Em's house, I had a Charlie horse and my feet were tired. I got inside, and stood in the doorway. On the table, I saw a plate of chicken and macaroni and cheese. I knew that I had taken advantage of Emma in the past, and she knew this, but she still put up with me. Maybe that's because I never tried to manipulate her. Is there is a difference? I dumped the food in the trash, and lay down on the couch. I thought about Ellie. I thought about why she was so civil and sarcastically chipper? Why wasn't she a bitch? I was used to Bitches, familiar with their ways. So why wasn't doing her part by acting like one? But I didn't think about this long enough before I fell asleep, and could only hear my snores.

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I woke up early that morning, but didn't get off the couch. I heard footsteps.

"Mom…"

"Shh…Chris, let's play the quiet game, Ok? We're going to be super quiet so that Uncle Craig doesn't wake up, Ok?"

"Okay."

Emma's heels went clickity clack on the floor.

"Ok. Now get your backpack, but quietly, Ok?" I snickered. Emma still had her militia mom strategy, which was to try and control every aspect of her son as humanly possible. I hoped that she would learn.

"Where's my-my-my captain underpants." She hissed at Chris.

"I don't know honey, but let's go…"

"But Mom…" He wasn't giving up without a fight. I liked this kid.

"Chris!" She said a little bit too loudly. I heard Emma's heels again, and Chris's stomps. Five seconds later I heard the door close. I never really thought about Emma as a single mother. She always had everything together- charts, graphs, schedules. I never thought of it as being hard. Last year, I had saw Sean in Mr. Chow's, with some leggy blond sharing noodles from a bowl. He looked happy or at least content by the fact that he had managed to score some. Manny dragged me over to say hello. I wondered if he would be able to find his son's captain underpants.

Less than five minutes later, I straightened out my tee shirt and scrubbed off the coffee stain that was on my jeans with a paper towel. I put on my leather jacket, and sprayed some fancy shit on that Manny gave me last year for Christmas. I think it was called scent of a man, or odor redox. But I liked the way it smelled, and so did other people of the female gender, so I kept it. I walked out the door, and like Fred Astaire, and had an unnoticeable pep in my step. I knew it was there. I took Emma's bike again, and started down towards El's house. I guess I was making good time, because it only felt like ten minutes had passed when I pulled up in El's front yard and saw her sitting on the porch.

"Hey."

"Hey, hey." I was out of breath.

"Are you Ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I leaned on the bike, it fell down.

I could see Ellie smirking at me, trying not to laugh. I smirked back.

"Where's Anna?"

"She went off to school." She got off her porch, and walked down her grassy walkway. "And, I forgot to thank you for yesterday; it got way out of line. I doubt that we'll have any trouble from Darcy or Myrtle anytime soon…"

"Don't. It's Ok."

"Soo, are you ready to go?"

"Yep." I lead her to the car. "You first madam." She scoffed at my immaturity, and got in.

We ended up going to the first car dealership that she saw, which was the one with the huge blown up to size Gorilla. It had a, "Grand Opening" sign and was swaying back and forth. It was fucking huge. The cars varied, some were too expensive, some too plain. Ellie thought that buying a used car was a risk, and I didn't want to buy anything. There was an assortment of family friendly minivans in different colors, and Ellie thought those were just a waste of space. Some of the cars were too flashy. Who really needs a black hummer with a gold and diamond incrusted grill? Now, Ellie and I were sitting in the back of one of the minivans, marveling at the fact that it had two flipping TV's. A movie was playing on one of them, one of those shitty animated movies with the talking animals. Right now it was a little squirrel, and his name was bucky, or something like that. It seemed like a name for a talking squirrel.

"You know what would be good right now?"

"What?"

"Popcorn." She looked at me.

"Oh."

We stared at the talking squirrel. Now it was dancing. Or running. Or both, I couldn't tell.

"Why were you so nice to me yesterday, El." The question was coming sooner or later. She looked at me.

"Huh?" I liked that she tried to play dumb. Too bad I knew she wasn't.

"I mean, I was just surprised that you were nice to me yesterday, that's all."

"Craig, you're the father of our daughter. I don't have a choice to be nice to you or not. I gave up that choice when you knocked me up, and I had swollen ankles for six months…So don't be surprised if I'm nice to you, cause' that's the only way it has to be."

"No it doesn't." I didn't try to mumble. I wonder if she heard.

"So, what are you saying, that you don't want me to be nice to you?"

I didn't answer her right away. I didn't know what I wanted El to be or do, because I had so many expectations of her in my head. And she didn't live up any fucking one of them.

"I don't know."

And we went back to watching the squirrel, watching it run into a tree over and over again. I wondered how long I would be like that.

---

It was awkward after our minivan escapades. I didn't find a car, even though an over eager fucker tried to shove a Honda down my throat. It had five air bags. We drove on in silence, and then when we got to the house, I took my bike and rode for a while. I didn't want to go back to Em's, not yet. It was nice out, and I took advantage of this. I rode past the little quaint houses that stretched beyond Ellie's red door. They were small, and painted in colors like robin's egg blue, and lilac. The people that inhabited them were probably happy, and had good lives. They were the grandparents that had seen all they had to see, the married couple whose kids were all finally out of the house, or the newlyweds who liked the property so much that they wanted to settle down and have their first kid. I wanted to be like them, like the lucky people, the last that were able to be in that percentile. I wanted the robin's egg blue house with the white shutters, I wanted the apple tree. I digged through my jeans, and took out the apple seeds. They were dried up. I wondered if they would still grow. I held them in my hand, holding the last of the American dream that had slipped through my fingers. I started to pedal faster, harder. I wanted to catch that American dream, even if it wasn't meant to be mine.

---

I strolled in Em's house pretty late, using the spare key from underneath the welcome mat. She was sitting at the table, sipping something out of a mug.

"Why do I still love her?"

She put down her cup. She was being pensive.

"I don't know Craig. You love hard. And you keep on loving hard until you get tired of that person. And then you go on to the next one. You just have to get over her Craig, and being that she did mother your child, that's a totally different thing."

"But why is that? I can't get over her. I just can't. And when I try to fool myself into thinking that I am, she…" I couldn't finish my sentence. Emma just sipped.

"You need to stop beating yourself up, Craig. You deserve something, I don't know what, but I do know that it's something." I sat down on the couch.

"She hates me." I looked at her. She sincerely looked back.

"And the thing is, I don't even know why I went with Manny, she's just always been there so it was easy…but sometimes, I just wish that I could just pick up where we left off. Be a family, kind of, or something."

"Craig, be realistic." I looked at her again. I wanted her to see things my way.

"I am being realistic."

"No you're not."

"Thanks."

"Look, Ellie isn't like your other girls…"

"What other _girls_?" Manny, Pam, Shelly, Ash, Lucy…

"You just can't sweep her off her feet by giving one of your emotional drenched confessions, because to tell you the truth, right now I'm bored. All I know is that love requires a lot of tough shit, and you have to be able to handle it, or just don't even try. It has bloodshed and tears and confusion, but you just have to deal…" She looked away. I could tell she was thinking about Sean. She finished drinking. I loved Em, I loved the fact that she didn't care if her opinions didn't please you. It was funny how she turned this way, into this bitchy ass beast. I loved it as much as I loved the old Emma. She got up, not saying anything, and turned on her heel to walk away.

Why didn't I pick Emma?

She had a hell of a lot of things going for her, she had her wits. She was pretty, if not sharp. She was just as snide and stubborn as Ellie was. So why didn't I pick her? Why did I keep on coming back to the redhead, to the one who really didn't want anything to do with me in the first place?

I should've picked Mary Thomas from grade eight with the mouth guard. She spat when she talked, but she would've made an ok person to be with. Why did I keep on going back to Ellie, when I had everything else in front of me?

Well, even I don't have all the answers.

---


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Don't you just love Craig as dad? Seriously…

---

Later that night, I grabbed the apple seeds and went outside into Em's backyard. I put the seeds into the ground, and used an old cup to water them. If it were one person that deserved an apple tree, it was Emma Nelson. I walked back inside, and sat down on the couch.

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't do really anything. My hands were itching for the guitar in its case. I picked it up, took the guitar out of its case, and rested it in my lap. I didn't have any specific thing to play, and my hands went along for the ride. I loved times like these, the times where my fingers were the ones being manipulated. My fingers fell in love with the strings, plucking on a chord. I could do this all day, just do this. It was right, and it was the only thing that I wasn't absolutely shitty at. Playing music was my territory, and no one could take that away. I saw some light coming through the blinds, but I figured I had been up all night. My eyes were wired and wouldn't shut. I had to keep on playing. I heard footsteps crawling down the steps, but I kept playing. It was Emma, and she glared at me, in a blue bathrobe. And as if I had stolen her bra, she turned on her heel and walked back upstairs. Ahh, the female species.

But I kept on playing, everything slowly coming back to me. I heard some more footsteps coming down the stairs, but I only figured that it was Emma to avenge for her loss of sleep.

"Uncle Craig!" Shit. Chris came running into my side, and felt like a boulder. I think he crushed some of my ribs.

"Shh…"

He put his index finger over his mouth to show that he understood.

"Wow, you play guitar?"

I looked down, for a moment I almost forgot that it was there.

"Sure do, kid." His eyes lit up.

"Can you teach me?"

"Uh…" I didn't want to get the kid's hopes up. I just didn't. Because when I usually make promises, they turn out to be the bad ones.

"We'll see."

"Ok." He looked disappointed, and I could tell. I felt like shit for this, but I couldn't lead him on. He was a kid for chrissakes, and I couldn't let him be one of the fatalities. He sat down next to me.

"But, I do want to know why you're up so early?"

"I always get up this early…so I can watch Foster's home for imaginary friends. Mom won't let me watch it…"

"Oh…" I could tell he was wondering if I was going to rat him out. I ruffled his hair. I got the remote off the coffee table and handed it to him.

"You do the honors."

He smiled at me, before turning on the TV, and before I knew it I was watching a blue blob named Bloo. Fairly simple. He always looked up at me, and I could tell he was admiring me. He wanted to be a grown up, make up his own rules, but when really I wanted to be like him. I wanted to tell him how fucking good he had it. We both kept our eyes glued to the TV.

Ha, ha, a long, red imaginary friend popped up on the screen, and wouldn't stop talking. It reminded me of Ellie. I started to laugh. I kept on laughing until I felt a thud on my shoulder. I looked down to see that Chris fell asleep, snoring loudly with every breath. I scoffed at this, and extending my arm around his shoulder. I kept it there, hoping he wouldn't move. I got pleasure out of this, and also felt guilty. I felt guilty for not doing this more often with Anna, not watching the mindless shows about imaginary friends and blue blobs. I felt guilty that Ellie had to be the one to do this, the one to cradle Anna when she fell asleep. In a way, that was supposed to be my job. I always wanted to be the father that tucked their kids into bed, and told them stories about fairies and princesses and shit. So, I kept my arm around Chris, hoping that maybe this would be worth something.

---

I ended up falling asleep on the couch with Chris. It wasn't until I heard a sharp jab that I woke up.

"Jesus, what the hell?"

"Craig!" Out of my blurry vision, I could Emma hissing at me with a shoe in her hand.

"You poked me with your heel? What the hell…"

"Craig! Why didn't you send Christopher back up to his room?"

"Uh, he came down here early this morning, and wanted to watch the foster home's of imaginary…people." I rubbed my eyes. Damn it was early.

"Craig!"

"He just fell asleep on the couch, Em, it's no big deal."

"_No big deal_? Look, Craig you may think its fine to get what you need by using people, but I want Chris to be independent…"

Ouch. Her words were biting, but it was too early in the morning for them to affect me.

"And you think that he falling asleep with me on the couch isn't going to do that?"

"No, Craig, I just don't want Chris to get in the habit of depending on other people, even me. I don't want him to be one of those guys to call me up in the middle of the night saying, "Hey mom, can you bail me out of jail because I got caught with a Tijuana hooker. And, Oh yeah, I dropped out of college!"

"The girls in Tijuana are so overrated."

"Just because you watch the discovery channel and gaggle at the naked tribeswomen in less than a sheet of toilet paper, doesn't give you the right to joke about this."

"Uh, national geographic." I could tell that she was fuming.

"Look, Em, he's nothing like me, so he'll be fine."

"Ha! That's reassuring."

"You just need to believe more in your kid."

She rolled her eyes. And that was the end of our fight. I swore that she mumbled that she did believe in him. But maybe she didn't say it aloud because her fighting words didn't get through my thick ass scull. I made my way to the counter, and took a toaster strudel from the fridge.

"What are you doing _now_?" She was still in bitch mode, I could tell.

"Making breakfast. Because a moocher needs to eat…Am I correct?" The expression on her face turned to regret. She could try to fool me, but I knew Emma Nelson throughout. And If I pushed the right buttons, then she could go from cold hearted bitch to empathetic in seconds.

She didn't need to have a look, and tried to pick up Chris, mumbling obscenities under her breath. I smirked as she went upstairs.

I really am an ass.

I bit into my strudel, and raspberry filling splattered on my shirt. Cursing, I knew somewhere; somehow, Emma had something to do with this.

---

I didn't know where else to go. And for the first time in three days, I didn't have to see a girl, show up on one of my friend's doorsteps uninvited, try to almost woo said girl and get inevitably rejected, or encounter another drunken housewife. This day, this day I was free from everything. And I did what most people did when they were "free"; which was watching a lot of crappy TV. At first I had a plan with my TV surfing, which was to press two random numbers on the remote. From this I had learned about Hitler's secret affair, and how to excavate shit from a cow. Fun. But as the day went on, I just turned to any channel that didn't have any commercial breaks. And right now, I was watching a show about a teen pop star, who pretends that she really isn't. And cries a hell of a lot.

What's with teenagers and crying, it's unrequited and it's full of shit.

I never try to think about my teenage years, because well, they're not the greatest. I was a complete ass to anyone who wanted to be near me, and unfortunately, met Manny.

_Manny… _I hadn't thought about her this whole entire time. I wondered how she was, and how she was doing, even though this answer wasn't that hard to figure out. She probably had moved on, because that's just how the invincible Manny works. Fucks em' and leaves em'. We were both the same in many ways. I knew that I shouldn't have wondered about how she was doing, because I was supposed to be over her. But considering that I had nothing else to do, I decided to call her cell.

It rang three times, and I was glad because I actually didn't want to talk to her. Her voicemail came up, she didn't change it.

"Hey, hey, this is Manny and I'm sorry that I can't talk you at the…moment, but leave a message at the beep... Hey! Stop it!" It ended with her giggling. I knew why she was giggling, and remembered that night we got really shit faced, and I ended up tickling her. Her breath smelled strongly of Vodka and cranberry juice, and when she laughed the scent almost drowned my face. I liked the way her face looked that night, mainly because most of makeup sweated off and she looked like an owl. And I didn't want to leave her, not because I wanted her, just because I wondered who would hold her hair back. I only remembered these times because they're the only times that I liked. The times where we wouldn't remember anything in the morning.

This was the Manny I liked.

I went to my contacts, and found her number. I pressed "delete", and waited for something to happen. Instead, a message popped up.

"Do you want to delete this contact? Yes or No?"

I always wanted to "delete" Manny out of my life, but I wasn't sure if I meant it. I pressed No, and shut my phone.

I hope I did the right thing. Or think.

---

I continued to do absolutely nothing, until I heard the jangle of keys in the door. Mama Nelson was home. I was excited that they were both home, because they were the only human contact that I actually had. The door flew open, and Chris came running towards me.

"Hey, kid!" I gave him a high five.

"Eww, Uncle Craig, you stink."

"Yes, honey, Craig doesn't believe in showers."

"And that's because there's nothing wrong with a little stink."

"That's if you want to attract flies." Chris laughed at our banter, and started to try to smell my armpit. Emma started to talk on her cell.

"Yes…are you sure that you can't, I know, senior prom's important. But really all there is to it is watching a bunch of your other classmates being horny. Yes, I know, you're only a senior once…but what? I have no one else to call, and it's pretty unfair that you just canceled out at the last minute. Yes, fine. Ok, have a good time. And have protected sex!" She slammed her phone closed, and started pacing.

"Em, you Ok?"

"No, my babysitter cancelled out on me the last minute, just to go to the senior prom. The night of the banquet!"

"I heard."

"Yeah, well now I don't have anyone to watch Chris. Fan fucking tastic."

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Uncle Craig can watch me!" Me and Em both exchanged glances.

"Uh, sweetie, I don't think…"

"Uh…" I wasn't great with babysitting. And unlike everyone else, I didn't have a stack of babysitter club books hidden in my closet. I didn't know how to do CPR. And once, while baby sitting Angie, I fell asleep and she accidentally ate a whole bar of soap.

"Please?"

"I'm just going to cancel. I'm going to tell them that I can't make it." The doorbell rang while Emma was having her freakout. She answered it.

"Hey…"

"Hey, come in." I heard footsteps, and saw Ellie, with Anna on her side. Chris still tried to smell my armpit.

"So, what's going on?"

"Oh, I just came by to see if you watch Anna. My babysitter just canceled out on me last minute, and I have to go to the clinic."

"What a coincidence, my babysitter just canceled out on me, and I'm stuck."

This was my chance. My time to be the fucked up knight in shining armor. If I had to do it, than this was the time.

"I'll the kids… I'll watch Anna and Chris."

"What?"

"What?"

"What?"

"Yay!"

All three of them looked over with wary eyes.

"Craig, you don't have to…"

"Don't worry about it. The kids will be fine."

---

A/N: Hmm, Craig as a babysitter? Well, you'll just have to find out about that next chapter…and keep the reviews coming. :D


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